i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
