Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
