It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
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