saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
