Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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