in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
