You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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