i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
and you said cock pushups were impossible
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
