Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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