I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
