Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
