so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
