to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
