They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
