we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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