Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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