I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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