my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
