THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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