My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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