the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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