I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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