Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize