areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize