I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
