11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
