Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
