I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
