Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Everyone says I win the strip club
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
