Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
