it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
