I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize