you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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