You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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