all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Randomize
