At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
