take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
