omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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