maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you have to choose: penises or morals?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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