He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
