i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
