i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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