so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
