And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
