at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
