just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
