She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize