Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
