just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
