shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
