I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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