I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
