Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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