Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
