And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
