So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
