I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
