I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
