Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
