id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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