I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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