I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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