I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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