My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize
