right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
