You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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