He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
