So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
