new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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