So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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