You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
