I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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