thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
