??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
True strength comes from lack of pants
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize