he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dick very happy bro
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
