dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
