How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
