I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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